We’ve all done it: someone’s talking to us, and we’re nodding along, but we’re thinking about something completely different—like what’s for dinner or how we’ll escape this conversation to refill our drink. Sure, we heard them, but did we actually listen?
As we head into the holiday season—family dinners, parties, gatherings—it’s easy to show up physically while staying checked out mentally. And yet, this is also the time of year when many people feel the most alone or isolated, even in a room full of people. Why? Because there’s a difference between being around people who hear you and people who actually listen to you.
Hearing is the easy part. Hearing is passive. It’s the sound waves hitting your ears and your brain saying, “Yep, I caught that.” You hear the background music, the hum of conversation, and that one uncle who always talks a little too loudly.
But hearing doesn’t mean you’re engaging. You can hear someone and still miss the point entirely—or worse, miss the person entirely.
But the real gift is listening! Listening is active. It’s intentional. It’s the effort of tuning in, not just to someone’s words but to their meaning, their feelings, their humanity.
When you listen, you’re saying, “I see you. I value what you have to say.” And let’s be honest: isn’t that what we all want, especially during the holidays? To feel seen and understood, even amidst the chaos of the season?
How to Really Listen This Holiday Season
Want to be the person who makes someone feel like they truly belong at the table? Here’s how to step up your listening game:
- Put Down Your Phone: This one’s a no-brainer, but it’s harder than it sounds. Give the gift of your undivided attention.
- Pause and Be Present: Before responding, take a beat. Listen not just to what they’re saying, but why they’re saying it.
- Notice What’s Unsaid: Sometimes it’s about the tone, the hesitation, or the look in their eyes. Pay attention to the emotions behind the words.
- Ask Thoughtful Questions: Show you care by asking questions that go deeper. “What’s been the best part of your year so far?” hits differently than, “How’s work?”
- Reflect Back: Once you listen to what they say, reflect it back in your own words. For instance, “Wow, seems like you feel a little stuck right now?” This shows you’re really hearing them, and it keeps the conversation flowing.
Why Listening Matters—Now More Than Ever
The holidays are supposed to be about connection, but let’s face it: they can sometimes feel like a string of surface-level conversations and obligations. When you make the effort to really listen, you create something deeper. You make people feel less alone.
And here’s the thing: listening benefits you, too. When you’re fully present, you experience richer connections. You get to really know the people you love. And in a season that’s about gratitude and giving, isn’t that one of the best gifts you can give—to someone else and to yourself?
So, as you head into the holiday season, ask yourself: Am I hearing the people around me, or am I truly listening to them? It’s a small shift that can make a big difference—not just for the people you care about, but for you, too.
